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Announcer
Co-Worker: What's he talkin' about, Wally?
Wally: I don't know, but he has this really crazy story about... saving the time continuum or something.
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Lumberjack: Work around here sure has been easy now that Jinsoku's our new lumberjack. It's too bad he's blind...
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Nun: Sister Spice, now that you have joined the convent, you must uphold your vow of silence.
Clown: Whoa, Spice, where did you get the nun outfit? How kinky. What's the matter? Don't like my clown outfit? Don't you want to come help me juggle my balls?
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Patient: Give it to me straight, Doc. Am I gonna die?
Surgeon: Of course not. We have a new specialist with techniques on the cutting edge of technology.
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Asylum
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Blimey! It's time for work!
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It has been a jolly good year for our company. The, uh... green thingies... have... have gone up. Um, the red... thingies... have gone up as well, so I reckon we should... make some more stuff and... sell it, I guess.
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Look Mommy! No arms!
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That was fun. I have to go potty now.
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We thought you put up a good fight, didn't we? Yes, we did!
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That was too quick... I have a harder time fighting myself.
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Buddy
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I'm telling my mom!
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Now that I've beaten the demo, what should I do? I think I'll sell my chess set to go register Timeslaughter.
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Oh, boy oh boy. You know, I was talking to my mo... my mo... my mom and she said, Hey Buddy, you're really special now that you registered Timeslaughter. And you not only to de-increase your IQ one hundred fraction, bu... but you also get a shiny Tard Card.
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We can't understand what the fuck this tard is saying.
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I was talking to my mom and she said, Hey Buddy, why you out there fighting again?! You should be on the Tardwagon.
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Chi
Customer: Agh! What in the name of Sam Hill did you do to my hair?!
Chi: Woot! One haircut! I work fast!
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Chi: Oo-wah! Want a haircut, huh? Chi cut-a hair? Woah!
Customer: Let's see... Well, I guess just a trim, buddy. And make it fast.
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Oooh ta ta ta woo ta wa ta.
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Lazarus
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I sure am glad I got off that blasted desert island. If I see one more grain of sand, I'll eat me beard!
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Good. Now I can use your body as a raft.
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Good. Now I can use your body as an S.O.S. sign.
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Mojumbo
Gang Leader: Hey! What you think you be doin' in our alley?!
Mojumbo: Stubunga?
Gang Leader: Hey! Homeboy here be callin' us stupid, man!
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Mmmmm, you look even tastier when you dead.
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I am sorry me hitting you so hard make you die.
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Yuk, you taste bad. Skin stick in Mojumbo teeth.
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Pierre
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You stupid idiot! I will show you defacement!
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Cop: Hey Frenchie, that's defacement of public property.
Pierre: Defacement? Defacement?! This is not defacement, this is art!
Cop: It's defacement.
Pierre: It is NOT defacement!
Cop: It's defacement.
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A good painting takes me longer than you did.
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I had to kill you! You were much too ugly to paint.
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Portal
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Yes, run, little one. Run from the Takar. Wherever in time you will hide, we will find you.
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Ravage
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There are many forms of death and I have shown you but one.
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Roses are red. Violets are blue. Now that I'm a Takar, I'm still gonna piss on you.
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You look like someone who wants some all-you-can-eat-chili. You're a growing chili boy.
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Savage
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Get back up, you worthless fuck! Get back up!
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I've had harder times taking a shit than I did killing you.
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Roses are red, violets are blue. Now that you're dead, I'm gonna piss on you.
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What's all that brown stuff on the floor? Oh yeah! That's all the shit I beat outta ya.
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Spice
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Damn! Broke a nail.
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My pimp hits harder than you!
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That's typical... They always go unconscious on me.
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Ug
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Hmmm... Heart bad.
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Ug start soon, but first need anesthesia. Clubba clubba.
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Ug: Heart good now.
Surgeon: Yeah, the heart's fixed, but you crushed his brain!
Ug: Um, uh... Ug have appointment or something. Ug must go.
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Ug maybe not so smart but Ug kill you anyway.
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Ug pound you into ground so hard you be fossil.
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Vlad
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I will not be subjected to such humiliation for the sake of American currency!
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Reporter: Headlining the news today, the "Corndog Stick Impaler" claimed yet another victim. Police, psychics and sketch artists have managed to put together this rendition of the Impaler. If you have seen him, please contact us.
Vlad: I have seen him...
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Carpathian sheep are harder prey than you.
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Look at all the blood on the ground. What a waste!
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I get hungrier and hungrier the more I see your blood fly.
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Those who know not the taste of blood know not the taste of victory.
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